The Sentence That Stole My Confidence for Years
“These are all kind of poorly written.”
This was a comment made on a post of mine from a random guy who followed me on Instagram 7 years ago. I promptly deleted his comment and blocked him, but his words have replayed in my head more times than I can count. Sometimes this notion that my quotes were poorly written would stop me from writing them at all, other times it would stop me from posting something that I was proud of, and always it made me overthink what I was writing. This thought process that I created as a reaction to his words was exhausting and often took the fun out of creating anything for public consumption.
When I think about it in some ways it’s silly how much power I gave a stranger, especially considering I don’t entirely disagree with him. No, my quotes aren’t always grammatically correct, they certainly aren’t perfect, and I will always be evolving as a writer. Sure, my quotes or this blog might actually be “kind of poorly written.”
When I think about this experience, it makes me pretty sad. I think of all of the comments on social media, and in real life, that stick with people. As we go through life we become an accumulation of other people’s perspectives, many of which, if we told them we would hold onto their words for years or decades, the speaker would likely retract their statement because they didn’t put that much thought into it.
Conversely, how many of us are propelled forward by a positive comment that we received? Maybe someone once told you were creative, or really good at something, or that you have beautiful eyes. Whatever it is, how has that positive comment changed you.
My reason for sharing today is a gentle reminder that our words to each other matter. From our own perspectives, a criticism might seem small or insignificant, or maybe we know that our relationship with the receiver is minor and thus the words should feel insignificant, but it doesn’t really work that way. Words stick with people when they cause pain or discomfort.
My other reason for sharing is because too many of us shy away from who we truly are because of the pile of other people’s perspectives that we accumulate over time, especially early in our lives. Did you love to sing, until someone told you you weren’t a great singer? Did you love to dance, until someone told you looked weird when you danced how you felt? Did you love to write, until someone told you your writing was kind of poorly written?
Without much thought, we give words that hurt us such a huge presence in our mind. The words of others can replay long enough until it becomes our own story that we tell ourselves. “I’m not a good singer, I dance weird, or my writing sucks.”
I encourage you to challenge those stories. We are not what other people think of us, we are what we choose to be. Singing ability does not change when someone speaks against it, it is the same before the comment as after the comment. What changes the willingness to sing is the story of the words inside of our mind.
When I think about this, a comment my husband made comes into my mind. I was ruminating over a comment that was made to me by someone close to me. It was triggering and unfair and I was hurt and frustrated by it. My husband responded “sometimes people just say shit.” The more I thought about it, the more he was right, and his piece of advice has become one of my favorites.
Most of the time, we don’t plan what we are going to say. We respond in the moment with all of the emotions we are feeling at that time. People don’t always mean the things they say as deeply as they are felt by the recipient.
I’m sure if I found the man who wrote that message about my quotes being poorly written that he would have no recollection about the comment he made that day. If I told him I’ve been thinking about it for years, he might even say that he didn’t mean it. He could even say that he was in a tough phase of life where he chose to be a keyboard-warrior to release some frustration. Regardless, he words have had no business living in my head for years on end.
I have released myself from this sentiment as part of who I am. I write the way I write. I work to improve my writing, but to me, it is the message and the heart that matters.
My challenge for my readers today is to look inside your own life and mind and find a place where someone told you who you were, or who you weren’t. Maybe they told you weren’t good at something, that you couldn’t do something, or that you weren’t good enough. Maybe that person was a parent, a sibling, a friend, or even a stranger. Today, I’m giving you permission to write your own story. Today, I ask you to ask yourself, who could you be if you didn’t listen to their words? Who can you be in the future if you let their perspective be exactly what they are, just words. Because after all, sometimes people just say shit.
